Friday, February 20, 2009

Letter to DH...

I'm sitting here typing to you once again, since it seems that if I don't I forget the things I want to tell you. I really hope that you are able to read these, if not at least it helps me solidify what I'm thinking about.

First, Ben called last night after I talked to you. I was already asleep when the phone rang and scared the crap out of me. I guess he was checking up on us or something. Asked if there was anything I needed. I reassured him that we were fine. He said that he was just checking because there had been some incidents with his wife when he was away, and just wanted to make sure we were okay. Again, told him I was fine and didn't need anything and if an emergency arose I'd be sure to take him into consideration when asking for help. He was really rather annoying. But whatever.

The following is more of a mini-bitch session.

I was talking to Brenda when she mentioned that mom was going to Dad's rancho for ALL of spring break. A whole week-long visit. I didn't say much at the beginning but then it started to nag on me. I thought I could share with Brenda my disappointment in having mom place priority on people that are not even BLOOD relatives over her own daughter and grandchildren. She dismissed what I had to say with, "Pues, yo no se nada." Which infuriated me further because I've been nothing but empathetic with her providing advice, solutions and if nothing else a listening ear when she's dealing with mom. I really felt like she was trying to tell me that my complaint wasn't valid.

Later in the day she called again and asked me to take a picture of my anniversary ring. When I asked her what for, she said that mom wanted to see it and I flat out refused. I simply told her, "NO." My question is, if MOM wanted to see it, why didn't she ask herself. Why did she put Brenda on the phone to ask me? I see now that cutting mom out of our lives was a smart decision. I cannot deal with the drama and hurt that comes from dealing with her.

I have yet to confront Brenda on the way she acted towards me today, but if she is gonna be just like mom -- using me whenever she needs something and refusing to be there for me when I need her -- then she can just go her own way as well. I don't need this.

It really affects me immensely but I refuse to let these people get the best of me. I keep telling myself that if this was anybody else but family I would have long ago cut any ties to them. I don't want to see my kids get hurt by the same lies and rejection that I have been subjected to. I don't plan to take any measures to mend this relationship unless they are willing to step forward first and apologize. ::sigh::

Well, I guess that's it for now. I ordered pizza for the kids and they seemed to enjoy that. The funniest thing happened on the way back. We were driving down the road and all of a sudden Emma says, "LOOK! It's Papa." I frantically looked around to see who she was referring too. I saw a red Coca-Cola truck and figured she must have mistaken your pick-up truck for it. Behind it was a man in t-shirt and jeans. The kids must have seen the same thing because Junior said, "That's not Papa." To which Emma responded with, "Up there, he's in the plane." Sure enough, there was a little trail in the sky of a plane flying by. Once I saw it I agreed with her that Yes, your papa is in the airplane - up in the sky. I thought it was cool how she connected the fact that you are gone, with the fact that you got on a plane to get there. That little brat is gonna be a smart one, you'll see.

Well, it's almost bedtime so I gotta give the girls a bath. I hope to talk to you later tonight. Maybe I'll remember some of the things I just wrote to you. Love ya and miss ya. TTYL

No comments:

Post a Comment