Monday, January 23, 2012

Philipians 4:13

It's so easy for me to forget that I'm not the only one making a sacrifice during this time in our lives...

Sure, I'm the one that has the responsibility of tending to the kids on a daily basis, ensuring they are clothed, fed, and taken care of. That they do their homework after school, they meet their responsibilities and obligations, that they get to practice on time and that I'm there to pick them up afterwards. I'm the one that meets with the teachers, and deals with the frustrations of pleading cases before the superintendent and principals for the betterment of the children. I enforce rules, change tactics, barter and dictate, as well as deal with the reprecussions of being the mean parent, the strict parent, the one that doesn't have fun and probably never did as a child. It's hard. I'm doing the best I can on my own. It's not easy parenting single. And it's hard. It's hard to be on this side. The grass definitely looks greener on his side.

I never stopped to consider what it's like to work day in and day out only to come "home" to a empty hotel room. No familiar surroundings, smells or commotions. It's not a home, it's just a room with a bed, where you put your day to rest with thoughts of a faraway family that you can only hope loves you and misses you, just like you love and miss them. I never stopped to think what it must feel like to miss out on events, happenings, joys, sadness, celebrations and lamentations that you fiercely want to be a part of. I don't know what it's like to call upon fond memories to help you through the day, only to have the bitter reality steal them and bring you to a lonely present. To hear your children carry on with their days only by phone and not be able to be a part of it. I never stopped to put myself in those shoes. How hard it must be. And I imagine he is doing the best he can to provide for us on his own. And it's hard. It's hard to be on that side. The grass probably looks greener on my side.

God, this is hard.

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