Monday, January 30, 2012

Chaotic Mess...

This morning I did NOT oversleep. I woke up when my alarm buzzed and dutifully went to attempt and wake the children up. It usually takes a couple of tries before they are out the bed, but this morning it took more than that.I looked around me and surveyed the chaos that is my house...

The night before we worked on science fair projects and posters. The posters are resting on a wall right now, incomplete. The floor is littered with borders, construction paper, labels, scissors, and data that need to be pasted on said posters. The bedrooms are a mess as well. Beds unmade, clothes thrown all over the floor, coloring books, crayons, pencils, toys, shoes, and enough dirt and sand to make me cringe once I sweep it up into a sizable mound. The kitchen? Dirty dishes are still in the sink, one part of the counter buried under ribbon, bows and other craft items. A box of new Tupperware has been opened with it's contents spilling. It's ironic how at the time of purchase I believed it would help reduce the mess and help me be more organized. Right now it just contributes to the chaos. The laundry room is overflowing. The bathrooms once again need to be cleaned out. The living room rug has glitter that refuses to loosen it's grip. I could fill pages with the disarray found in my house.

I constantly ask myself, how is this fair? How is this fair to ME?

"Life isn't always fair, but GOD is always faithful..."

It takes only a whisper in the back of my mind to remind me how blessed I am. Look past the mess. I have four children that did that mess. FOUR HEALTHY, BEAUTIFUL AND SMART CHILDREN. Four children that have provided my life with innumerable joys, laughter and precious moments. Sure, they are a filthy bunch, but they are MY bunch. My blessings from GOD. Not a burden, a BLESSING.

Not only do I have these four blessings, I have a home. A great big spacious home. So spacious that they can make a big ole mess, and they still would have plenty of room to keep going. It's warm, it's cozy, it's HOME. We've been blessed with a great home. It's a blessing to have one, not a burden.

A home my HUSBAND works so hard to provide for us. He may not be able to enjoy this home himself, but by God he'll make sure it's there for us to enjoy. He works hard and dutifully to pay everything that is needed in having said home. My husband, my love, ALWAYS a blessing.

So I shall bask in the chaos and the mess... It won't last long, it never does. I'm always there to pick it up and put everything back in it's place. Until it's ready to be used once again by little hands and be left on the floor or someplace else. And once my house is back to being a chaotic mess, I'll remind myself that it's okay. Because it's a BLESSING.

Monday, January 23, 2012

Philipians 4:13

It's so easy for me to forget that I'm not the only one making a sacrifice during this time in our lives...

Sure, I'm the one that has the responsibility of tending to the kids on a daily basis, ensuring they are clothed, fed, and taken care of. That they do their homework after school, they meet their responsibilities and obligations, that they get to practice on time and that I'm there to pick them up afterwards. I'm the one that meets with the teachers, and deals with the frustrations of pleading cases before the superintendent and principals for the betterment of the children. I enforce rules, change tactics, barter and dictate, as well as deal with the reprecussions of being the mean parent, the strict parent, the one that doesn't have fun and probably never did as a child. It's hard. I'm doing the best I can on my own. It's not easy parenting single. And it's hard. It's hard to be on this side. The grass definitely looks greener on his side.

I never stopped to consider what it's like to work day in and day out only to come "home" to a empty hotel room. No familiar surroundings, smells or commotions. It's not a home, it's just a room with a bed, where you put your day to rest with thoughts of a faraway family that you can only hope loves you and misses you, just like you love and miss them. I never stopped to think what it must feel like to miss out on events, happenings, joys, sadness, celebrations and lamentations that you fiercely want to be a part of. I don't know what it's like to call upon fond memories to help you through the day, only to have the bitter reality steal them and bring you to a lonely present. To hear your children carry on with their days only by phone and not be able to be a part of it. I never stopped to put myself in those shoes. How hard it must be. And I imagine he is doing the best he can to provide for us on his own. And it's hard. It's hard to be on that side. The grass probably looks greener on my side.

God, this is hard.