Friday, July 18, 2008

And life goes on....

Boy, oh boy! Life goes on - whether we want to or not. After feeling enraged and violated by the events back in Texas, we regained our composure and looked at things from a LOGICAL point of view (instead of emotional). I finally gave in and have agreed to rent out our house. I want to HAND PICK who actually gets to live in it - so DH is allowing me to take the steps necessary for it.

I still feel pretty pissy about having to rent out my house period. People have a hard time understanding why. I'll try my best to explain my feelings. See, when we first got married we had NOTHING to our name. Well, that's not entirely true. We had the Jeep. But other than that we had NOTHING. When we arrived at the apartment we had no furniture. In fact we slept on the floor for about a week or two - can't remember. We eventually bought furniture and led a happy life - until DH left the Corps. We had been saving for a while for when he got out, but being so young we really didn't have any direction. And then to top it all off, DH let a friend borrow the jeep and he crashed. To repair the ONLY vehicle we had, cost us most of our savings, so we were back to square one.

We needed a place to live, and we didn't have enough money in our account to rent an apartment, not to mention DH still hadn't found a job. We went to live in a beat-up and nasty mobile home that his brother owned but was vacant. Instead of rent, we fixed the place up to it's present state. We put in kitchen cabinets, carpet, peel-n-stick tile, painted and then installed a new bathroom (that they provided). We put a lot of sweat equity into it, and although it wasn't my ideal home - we made do. Both DH and I applied to the Sheriff's Department to become corrections officers, after going through most of the process, DH was turned down because of a DUI and I was hired. Soon after we found out that I was pregnant again and this prompted DH to join the ARMY.

We moved and moved and moved some more, the whole time I wanted my own place to call home. Determined NOT to make the same mistake we did when DH left the Corps we bought some land and built a home about a year before his ETS date. The home was finished in time for us to live in it. The Valley proved to be a hard place to find a promising career. DH left to Arizona in search for a temporary job, our goal was for him to join the Border Patrol and get stationed back home. The temporary job turned out to be a promising career and something that DH excelled at. He was enjoying himself immensely and climbing the ladder with amazing speed. When the Border Patrol came knocking, DH turned them down and came down to Texas to pick us up. We made the move to Arizona. The house we had worked so hard for, stayed behind.

Now, over a year after DH arrived here in Arizona, we have purchased a home and have decided this small little town is a good place to raise our kids. The house back in Texas though symbolizes so much to me. It's the house I waited for 8 years to come true. It's the house I imagined. It's the house that personifies our achievements, our perseverance. It's my HOUSE, my sacrifice, my hard work, my dreams and hopes. MINE.

To me it seems unfair that I allow someone to go live in it after I worked so hard for it. Why should they get to enjoy my hard work and sacrifice. Why should they get to live with all the amenities I picked for myself. Why? It's just not fair. I admit I'm acting like a child. But, I DON'T CARE. I do love my house, and I do care about what my husband has to say. Now that we've purchased a new house - I guess having some sort of incoming money would help. *sigh* I guess I'll just have to grow up and accept things for what they are.


Give us grace to accept with serenity the things that cannot be changed,
courage to change the things that should be changed,
and the wisdom to distinguish the one from the other.

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